Lindsay Mercado No Comments

“Who am I?”

This is a question that I have asked myself countless times, and I know plenty of other girls who have asked the very same question. When we graduate high school and move out, start college, or move to a new state, or get a new job, we often have a bit of an identity crisis and wonder who we are. As young women, we are in a season in our lives for big changes and life events that often get us asking this question and searching for our identity.

The summer after I graduated high school was crazy. Shortly after summer began, my high school boyfriend of three years broke up with me and two weeks later, I left to go to China by myself for over a month. I found myself in a foreign country surrounded by strangers and with a complete loss of identity. I kept asking myself the question, “Who am I?” Who am I really? Outside of a relationship, moved out of my parent’s house, and was alone in an unfamiliar place. What parts of myself are truly me and what was formed by other people’s ideas of who I should be? What do I care about? What do I believe? What is my true identity?

These are big questions that are difficult to answer and sometimes, overwhelming to even think about, but I’m sure at one point or another you have asked yourself those very questions. Since that time in my life, I have spent a lot of time searching for the answers to those questions. After over four years, I finally feel like I have found some answers and might be able to guide you in seeking these answers yourself.

First of all, and I know this might sound cheesy, but it is vital to understand who you are as a daughter of Christ. Before I really came to terms with what that meant, it kind of sounded like a cop-out to me. Like, “Just know that Jesus loves you and that should be enough” or “Jesus was willing to die for you so if he thinks you’re worth it, then you should feel like you have worth.” Although these things are true, they didn’t help me reconcile with the fact that I had no idea who I was and that I felt like I was being an imposter, just faking it every day because I didn’t have a real sense of identity.

It wasn’t until I understood that my identity as a child of God gave me the freedom to be, that it really made a difference to me. When I realized that seeking validation made me feel like a fraud and that the only validation I should be seeking is from God, it gave me the freedom to just be. I didn’t have to have the approval of my mom because I had the approval of God. I didn’t need the likes on social media because I knew that I was putting a smile on God’s face. I didn’t need to fit into the mold of what society told me to be because I knew that God made me so much more interesting than that.

When you seek affirmation from God, the burden of doing and achieving fades away and you have the space to just be.

The Bible affirms us over and over again, even when the world, our friends, and our family all reject us. It says that God adopted us and it brought him pleasure (Eph. 1:5), that He created us as a reflection of himself (Gen. 1:27) and that we were chosen as God’s special possession (1 Pet.2:9). Doesn’t that just scream that you are loved and accepted by God? You are enough for him by just being you. It doesn’t say you have to win the praises of a thousand followers and be perfect and fit into the status quo and walk the same path as every other person because your best friend’s mom’s sister thinks you’re doing it wrong. It says that you are enough, just as you are.  

That should be a freeing thought, like a breath of fresh air after being bogged down by everyone else’s expectations of you. Now that you have some space to breathe and be, here’s the second thing I’ve learned about identity.

Who you want to become is way more important than who you are today.

You have so much life and time ahead of you that dwelling on mistakes or thinking about the awful high school drama queen you used to be is a waste of energy when you could be dreaming of the person you want to be ten years from now and start working towards becoming her.

Now, I’m not talking about what you want to do. Your education or career path has nothing to do with this. When I was in college, I changed my major four times and settled on a communication degree because I love to talk and if I didn’t choose soon I was going to be in college forever. And I still don’t know what I want to do. Every time I hear about a new job I think it sounds awesome and add it to my list. My latest? A polygraph examiner. Right alongside an air traffic controller and a genetic counselor.

The point is, who you are permeates into what you do, but it isn’t because of what you do. You can be the nurse who treats every patient like family and shows up to work filled with purpose, or you can be the nurse who runs around all day like she’s crazy and doesn’t learn one patient’s name. The job is the same but the people are totally different.

I’ve known a lot of people, myself included at times, who settle into this mindset that if they were just in that job and making that amount of money, they would be so much happier. Or if they were only married or had a body that looked like that, or if they were finally out of debt, their lives would be filled with so much joy and gratitude because those are the only things they’re missing in life.

Well, it’s a lie. Yes, you will absolutely be more comfortable, and maybe you’ll have less stress, but you are still bringing you into that next situation.

Have you ever met someone who always had something to complain about no matter where they were or what they were doing? I remember being in this beautiful restaurant for my birthday a few years back– the kind like in the movies where the server has a white napkin draped over his arm and knows every wine on the menu– and I was astounded. Well, a gal in our party was less than impressed. She thought the appetizer was too bland and the server was acting fake and the drinks weren’t refilled quickly enough. I’m sure that we could’ve taken her to a palace for a ball with the Queen herself and the waiter’s shoes would’ve been too loud when he stepped.

You bring yourself into every situation you walk into and if you aren’t happy now, chances are you won’t be happy in the corner office either. The good news is that you are who you decide to be. Your attitude, words, and actions are all conscious decisions you make. If you want to be more empathetic, choose understanding over judgment. If you want to be more positive, choose hope over defeat. If you’re looking for things that are amazing in life, you’ll see a whole lot more amazing things than someone who isn’t. If you’re looking for things to love about people, God will show you how uniquely incredible each individual is. If you decide to be the most joyful person in the room, there’s not a room you’ll walk into that doesn’t light up with joy.

The girl you are is a choice you make. She’s not who you want to be? That’s okay, because you have the power to change her.

I want you to take time today to do some dreaming about who you want to become. Grab a blank sheet of paper and create a detailed picture of your ideal self – the absolute best version of you (not your best friend or your sister or your role model…. you).

What does she care about? What does her daily life look like? What are her priorities? What is she amazing at? What is she known for? What cause burns in her heart that she is committed to speaking out and fighting for?

I’ve done this a few times and each time it has been completely eye-opening for me to identify “That girl”. I’ve discovered the things that I am really great at and the things that I love about myself and it has also shown me things I care about that I’ve never invested the time into becoming good at. It gave me a mission and a central focus. It helped me to see where I am today and the direction I am going.

I think one of the reasons we look up one day and realize that we no longer recognize ourselves is because we never identified or wrote out who we are trying to become. It’s like going on a road trip and taking random streets and turns and then realizing after 12 hours of driving, you have no idea where you are. Rather, when you have a set location, you aren’t going to be surprised when you arrive.

Our identities are the same way. When you know who you are working to become, you will still recognize that girl when you finally see her.

Identifying who you want to become is just the first step to becoming that girl. It takes time and intentionality, but my friend, it is totally possible.  

Xoxo,
Lindsay

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