To the girl who feels far from God…

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I have been there so many times. I’ve felt like I’m really close to God, but then I turn around a week or a month later and realize that I haven’t prayed or spent any time with God recently. It doesn’t matter that I went to church three times and talked about God, because I didn’t talk to God. The physical proximity is there, by being in the church, but there is emotional distance that comes when we are not intentionally, mentally engaged in the relationship.

Having a relationship with God is a lot like having a relationship with any other person in your life. It may not feel quite the same, since God isn’t sitting at our kitchen table chatting it up with us, but the concepts are very much the same. 

Honestly, I’m not good at maintaining relationships. I’m not one of those girls who is still besties with her kindergarten friend. I only have a few friendships that have lasted more than 5 years or so, and I’ve come to realize that it is because I am not consistent in those relationships. Many times, my friends and I would go to different schools or move states and I simply lost touch with them. 

I think our relationship with God happens to go a lot like this at times. We get really busy or some big change happens in our lives and we simply lose touch with God. We forget to pray, our Bible starts getting dusty, we pick the non-worship Spotify playlists in the car, and we look up a few weeks later realizing how long it’s been since we talked to our Father. 

Or maybe we’re asking and asking God for something—relief, change, opportunity, peace—and when it doesn’t come soon enough, we go searching for our own answers. We get upset or frustrated with God. We feel like we need that answer so badly that we’re going to make it happen ourselves. So, we go off searching, and when we realize we didn’t find it, we feel distant from God because we walked away to figure things out on our own. 

Or maybe we made a mistake. Then another, and another. We stop talking to God because we’re ashamed of what we’ve done, and we don’t want to be confronted with the truth that we need to stop. We feel like we’re in too deep and that there’s no hope for restoration. We ruined our life with the choices we made and now we deserve to suffer in the life we’ve created. 

Distance from God can happen in a lot of different ways, but one common thing is that we shifted our focus onto something other than God. We turned our heads. Looked away for a day that turned into a week that turned into a month that will turn into a year if we don’t turn back to God and fix our attention on Him. 

I love what Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 in The Message translation. He says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

It is so easy to fall into the rhythms of the world and miss out on the unforced rhythms of grace with Jesus. But when we do that, we miss out on the benefits of doing life with Jesus. We miss out on the real rest, the recovery of life, and the ability to live freely. 

So how do we come back? When we’re so far from God that we don’t even know what to say when we try to pray, how do we readjust our focus and return to a relationship with God?

Here’s my list of five “R’s” that bring us back to closeness and connection with God after a season of feeling distance. 

1. Recognize

Lamentations 3:40 “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.”

Determine what it was that shifted your focus away from God and onto other things. It is so necessary to take a moment to intentionally reflect and realize what exactly it was that pulled your attention in the first place, and it is vital to preventing yourself from falling into the same pattern in the future. 

Are you rebelling and thinking about God makes you feel convicted of your choices? 

Are you so busy that it seems like you don’t have time for God? 

Are you angry at God because you think something is unfair and you don’t understand why things are that way?

Are your priorities out of whack because you’re focused on school, a new relationship, or seeking approval from other people? 

I can honestly say that I have answered yes to every single one of these at one point or another. Knowing what pulls me away from my relationship with God enables me to put in routines and reminders so I don’t fall away for the same reason time and time again. 

Realize what it is and turn away from that thing, so you can turn back to God. 

We can’t hold onto sin and be close to God. We can’t put a relationship with someone as the top priority in our life and be close to God. We can’t wear busyness as a badge of honor and still have time and energy to be close to God. 

If you are able to determine what pulls you away from your relationship with God, you can equip yourself, so it doesn’t happen again. Don’t fall into a cycle of closeness and distraction, closeness and distraction. I can tell you first-hand how frustrating that cycle is, and how much more fulfilling it is to be disciplined and remain close to God. Be proactive in setting up safeguards to maintain your focus and keep your distractions at bay.

2. Request

Jeremiah 24:6-7 “I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the Lord; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart.”

Ask God for a heart to know Him. 

If you’re anything like me, one of the biggest struggles was being interested in spending time with God. Let’s be honest, when you’re first reading the Bible or trying to have a relationship with God, it’s confusing and maybe even a little… boring. When I struggled with reading my Bible in the past, I always heard pastors say things like, “The Bible is so intriguing and amazing. A letter from God to us! The more you read it, the more in love with it you’ll become.” Then I would try really hard to get into it, but I would come across passages like in Matthew 8 where demons are asking Jesus to send them into a herd of sheep and when he does they jump over a cliff and die, and things are just weird and confusing. 

I know what it’s like to have a hard time getting interested in spending time reading the Bible. To choose sermons and podcasts instead of reading for yourself because they make more sense. These really are fabulous places to start if you find yourself in this boat! I find that the more I understand the Bible, the more interested I am in reading it for myself, and how would anyone learn anything if they weren’t taught by someone first?

At some point, though, it is important to give God the space to speak to you—to reveal Himself to you specifically—through the Bible. 

Every relationship is hard work. Friendship, marriage, and your relationship with God all require you to put in effort and work. If you desire a relationship with God, it is easier to spend time with Him. So, ask God to put a burning desire in your heart to know Him and to grow close to Him. I promise, you will love Him more and more, the better you get to know Him, and the more you love Him, the more you are going to want to know Him.

3. Routine

Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Our relationship with God requires our action to see God’s response. If we seek Him, He assures us we will find him. When it’s hard initially, or you don’t really want to spend time with God (it’s okay to admit that!) it’s going to start off as a discipline. Set a date with God. Just like you would with a girlfriend or your hubs. Mark it in your calendar, set the time and place, and show up. Meet with Him. Spend that time focused on Him, completely, mentally engaged, and not working on anything else or scrolling through your phone.

Make it comfortable and enjoyable. For me, this looks like curling up on my couch with a cozy blanket and my tea early in the morning with my Bible and journal. If you’re still too tired and maybe falling asleep a little doing it that way, try going outside for a walk and listening to the Bible app or worship music while you pray (I love doing this too!). Do whatever works for you.

At first, it might not be super fun, and that is okay. Not everything has to be as interesting as your latest Netflix binge. Some of the most valuable ways to spend your time take more discipline than enjoyment until you begin to see the benefits of it. Think of meal prepping or exercising. It’s definitely hard at first, but the more you do it and realize how it is enhancing your life, the more you want to do it! Spending time with God will become the best part of your day when you begin to see God differently and experience something incredible in your relationship with Him. Just be committed, be patient, and watch how those daily appointments with God change your perspective and your life. 

4. Be Ready

Proverbs 21:5 “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.”

Don’t wake up and flip to a random page in the Bible and start reading.

If you have a plan, you’ll be more likely to stick to it. I used to struggle every time I finished reading a book in the Bible because I wouldn’t have a plan for what to read next. I would spend day after day pondering what to read and then a month would go by before I finally jumped in again. When I started planning what I would read next before I finished, I got so much better with consistency. 

If you’re just starting out, it can be really challenging to know where to start and what to read first. So, here are two of my favorite resources that helped me jump in spending time with God when I felt overwhelmed by where to begin. 

The first tool I would recommend is Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore. It makes you start to actually fall in love with Jesus and who He is, rather than just learning about what He did. I really felt like this was an amazing kick-start into being able to read the Bible without having a sermon to explain or a devotional to follow. 

The second resource I found was the Bible in One Year app, which is so easy to follow that it takes all the guesswork out of time with God. It leads you through exactly what to read each day, and even provides some context for more complicated passages. It also helps connect the Old Testament with the New Testament which helped me tremendously since I avoided the Old Testament for a long time because of all the confusion I felt when trying to read it. 

I need ease and guidance when I’m reading my Bible. I don’t like to have to figure out what to read each day, and I like to have some commentary or questions after to make sure I actually understand what I’ve read. These tools are both fabulous places to start and are laid out so well that it’ll take the guesswork out of reading the Bible. You just have to show up.

Every person is different so make sure you try a few things out to find what works for you! Maybe you’re a journaler, like to listen to music, or want to go through the Bible in chronological order. There really is no perfect recipe, but doing what you enjoy will make the consistency come more easily so just start there. An imperfect start is still a start.

5. Run

Luke 15:20 “So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

If you’ve ever heard the story of the prodigal son, you know that these verses are just the grand finale. Before this, the son leaves home, taking his inheritance before his father dies (basically telling his father “you’re dead to me”). He then wastes all his money and ends up working on a pig farm just to survive. He finally comes to his senses and realizes his father’s servants were being treated better than he was. So, he works up a whole speech saying, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’   (v. 18-19). He rehearses his speech as he returns to his father’s house, but before he could even start to get out those words, his father runs to him, hugs him, and welcomes him back into his home.

This is the depiction Jesus shares about how God responds when His children return to Him after walking away. 

Decide to go all in with the Lord. Don’t hesitate, don’t hold back, don’t second guess, don’t have a plan B. Run back to God, back into a relationship with Him. God wants your attention and affection. He doesn’t need you to crawl back feeling like you messed up so bad that you could never be His again. He doesn’t need you to feel ashamed and guilty or beg for His forgiveness. You are not less in His eyes because of your mistakes. God wants you to run back to Him. Pick up where you left off and get to know Him better than ever before. 

So, start today. Right now. Figure out what pulled you away or distracted you in the first place, and ask God to give you a renewed desire for Him. Schedule a standing date with God, make a plan, and show up consistently without holding back. Spend time with Him every day this week, then every week this month, then every month this year, and you’re going to be more in love with God and feel closer to Him than you ever have before. 

Xoxo,

Lindsay

Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!

• How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture