To the girl who needs to be in control…

Maybe it’s our upbringing that made us this way, a situation we were in when we were young, or perhaps it’s just who we innately are. Being in control has always been something I needed to feel secure. If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you’re similar to me in this. 

I was mid-way through typing “Thinking back to my childhood,” but who am I kidding? I still do it to this very day. Any time something goes awry – my husband and I have an argument, my plans got changed, or I’m frustrated by the outcome of a situation – I clean. I wash all the dishes, do all the laundry, and mop all the floors. Because if I can’t be in control of or fix the situation, then I’ll at least control my space. 

Thankfully, my way of being in control is constructive and means that every so often, my house ends up spotless! Nonetheless, it is still my need to be in control that drives that response and reveals a greater issue. I’m a control freak.

School project? I’m the leader.

Family vacation? I’m planning it.

Our budget? I manage it.

The 1-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan? I’ve already made it. 

I write every list I can think of, need to know each step, and have every detail planned.

The problem is, my life can’t be in my control and also in God’s. 

Being in control gives me security, confidence, and a feeling of power. But its a false sense of security because I have no power over anyone or anything but my own mind and body. I can plan and budget all day long, but that won’t protect me from a surprise maintenance bill for the car or a layoff from my company. 

Now, hear me out. Having a budget is a wise and responsible thing and making plans with ambition and goals is great. It’s the aspect of needing those things to have a sense of control over your life and your future that becomes problematic. Because again, when we’re holding onto control, we’re holding it away from God. 

The beautiful thing about God is that He gives us the autonomy to make our own choices – we are not His little puppets – but what’s more beautiful is that He has written a plan for our lives that far outshines anything we could create on our own and He invites us to walk in it with Him. 

Maybe my plan would turn out good. It probably would, actually. But if my plan makes me miss out on God’s plan for me, what an absolute tragedy. I want to live the life God has planned because I know it will be more impactful, thrilling, and fulfilling than anything I can do on my own.

But by holding onto control, I keep God and His plan for me at an arm’s length away. It’s the constant battle between my flesh and my spirit. I know in my mind that God has something incredible if I would just hand over the control and allow Him to do whatever He wants to do, but my flesh just won’t let go.

We want a miracle, we want to see God move, we want Heaven to come down and touch our situation. But God isn’t our co-pilot giving us bits of advice and direction along the route that we’ve chosen to fly to get to our destination. We have no idea how to steer the plane, read the gauges, or communicate with the flight towers. We don’t get in the cockpit with the pilot and tell him how to navigate us through the storm. We buckle in and trust him.

When we try to take control, we are making ourselves god over our own life. When we trust ourselves and our plans more than we trust in God, we’ve put ourselves above Him. As Christians, we know that God should be first in our lives and that nothing should be above God, but if we put more weight and trust in logic and our own planning than we do in God, we’ve created an idol of ourselves. 

Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” 

I have read this verse so many times, but reading it with the conviction and realization that I’m trying to control every outcome of my life reveals my need to surrender again. In the book, “The Purpose Driven Life,” Rick Warren writes, “The problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar.” I honestly can’t tell you how many times I have crawled off that altar and taken back from God what should truly be in His hands. 

My job, my marriage, my finances, my family, my future.

I surrender it on Sunday, and on Monday I’m right back to being the girl in control of it all. 

Because on Sunday, I’m reminded of who God is and all that He’s done for me. My attention is fixed on His power and might and mercy, but on Monday, the world comes back into focus. 

It’s harder to relinquish control when we are more focused on the situation than the One we are handing it over to.

The “pattern of this world,” is to follow logic, make the numbers make sense, live a secure life, have goals and achievement trackers, and vision boards for the life you are going to manifest into existence. But the renewal of our minds is knowing who God is and what He does. As we read stories in the Bible, the ones that have been read and passed down from generation to generation, we see the God we serve in action. 

We see God lead the Israelites out of Egypt, taking them to what appears to be a dead end at the Red Sea when God works a miracle and they walk through on dry land. We see God provide water for the armies on their way to fight the Moabites when no rain has fallen. We see God impregnate a virgin to bring the savior of the world to Earth. We see Jesus turn five loaves of bread and two fish into enough food for thousands. 

Would we still be talking about these stories if the Israelites just walked out of Egypt and made it straight to the promised land? If the kings had planned well and brought enough water along for their journey? If Mary had become pregnant the old-fashioned way? If Jesus had sent the people away for dinner like his disciples said He should?

We want God to show up and show off like He does in those stories. We want that awesome moment when He turns the entire situation around by means that are completely impossible and the only way to explain it is God. The challenge is that we don’t want to be in a situation where we are in desperate need of a miracle to happen. It’s easier and feels safer to control our own story.

When we make our own way we get in the way of God making a way. 

To stick it out in a job that we know we aren’t meant to do because it is financially secure. To stay in a relationship that is just good enough because it’s more comfortable than being alone. To go to college at a school nearby family because there’s a safety net to fall back on. 

God will do a miracle when we are in need of a miracle. But if we’ve planned our life down to the minute and the dollar and the distance, we haven’t left any bit of space for Him to do something better.

Honestly, it is not pleasant to be in the position of needing God to come through. As the Israelites looked at the Red Sea stretched out before them with the Egyptians approaching behind them, they told Moses, “What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? …  It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness” (Exodus 14:11-12). They had no earthly opportunity for escape and they were terrified. 

But that is exactly why God gives us these stories. We get to see how God makes something impossible, possible. We see a path carved out of a sea and a victorious escape against the odds. As we read it, our confidence in the Lord is built up because we see how He has shown up in unbelievable, supernatural ways before, and our faith that He can do it for us too is restored.

Renew your mind. Declare who God is and the power that He holds. Read the stories of His miraculous signs and wonders. Remember the times God has moved in your life and your family. Worship Him, praise Him, and acknowledge Him as God and Creator. 

And when you know who He is, and when you know what He does, you will know His, “good, pleasing, and perfect will,” (Romans 12:2).

It wasn’t until recently that I asked God to just pry the control out of my hands and take it away from me, and I think that’s exactly what it takes sometimes. Because in my mind, I knew that God is trustworthy and sovereign and good, but when things would get difficult or uncertain, I would try to take control, negotiate my plan, and manipulate the situation. 

As I read through the book of Job earlier this year, I was struck by how confidently he defended himself against his friend’s accusations. Job 1:8 tells us that Job is, “a man of perfect integrity,” but he is hit with devastation when he loses all his wealth, his children, and becomes covered in boils. Job’s “friends” give him speech after speech, explaining compassionlessly how it’s because of his sins or the sins of his children that this turmoil has come upon him. 

In Job 27:4-6, Job replies saying, “my lips will not say anything wicked, and my tongue will not utter lies. I will never admit you are in the right; till I die, I will not deny my integrity. I will maintain my innocence and never let go of it; my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.” 

What a bold declaration.

What would it be like if we had this degree of confidence when it came to our own walk with God? In the midst of chaos or uncertainty, to be able to say, “I don’t know what is happening or what is going to happen next, but I know without a single ounce of doubt in my mind that I am walking in the will of God. He is in total control of my life and He will not fail me.” 

That’s the kind of life I want to live. To be so secure in my obedience and surrender to God, that I am immovable. That I cannot be taken out or knocked back by an attack of the enemy because I am walking in the will of God. I may not get it, but I don’t have to get it, because God’s got me. I am completely out of control, and entirely secure because I know the One who is. 

If we find our security in controlling our lives. If we find security in our job, our plans, our budget, our relationship, or our health regimen, we are setting ourselves up to be shaken right alongside the rest of the world when trouble strikes. It is only when our trust is entirely in God that we are truly secure.

Xoxo,

Lindsay

Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!

• How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture