I looked up the definition of overwhelmed and had to double-check that I spelled it right and didn’t accidentally type the wrong word. Have you ever realized what an extreme, heavy word that is? Here are a few of the definitions:
- Defeated completely
- Overpowered
- Buried or drown beneath a huge mass
It’s heavy, but yeah, my life has felt like that. Like I’m completely defeated and life has won. Like I’m drowning under the weight of all my responsibilities. Like an MMA fighter who has been hit again and again, stumbling to get up and swinging at the air because they can’t see straight.
Yeah, I’ve felt like that.
I’ve had times in my life where I am on the receiving end of life completely overpowering and defeating me. The hard truth is, it’s often by my own doing.
When I was in college, I did everything. I remember one semester when I was taking 18 credit hours, had two jobs, an internship, and was planning my wedding. I remember feeling like all I did every day was run from obligation to obligation, trying to make sure I did everything that was required of me.
Day after day, there was more being added to my to-do list than I could check off. More responsibilities than I had time for. I started to feel like my life was running me instead of me running my life.
Maybe that’s how you feel in your own life right now. You spend all day chasing your responsibilities around, debating if today is a shower day or if you’ll take the extra half hour of sleep, instead. Deciding which invitations you can accept while still taking care of the obligations you have to fulfill. Wishing you could just stop for a moment to rest.
We all know this is not a sustainable way to live. The problem is, when we are so busy just trying to survive, we have no energy or time left to actually dig ourselves out of the mess we are in.
So how do you get out when you’re in the middle of the mess? How can you get out from underneath it all?
The good news is, you can. Really, you must. If you don’t start running your life, your life will keep running you.
STOP SAYING YES
First, stop saying yes. I know this seems obvious, but how many times have you said you’re full but then dessert comes along and you just can’t help yourself?
*guilty*
What’s the thing in life that is going to entice you to make another commitment? An invite for a girl’s trip? A date? The church is short on volunteers? Your friend needs a ride to work?
Did you notice how none of those things are bad? Well, in my mind, neither is dessert, but when I’m already full it will end in a stomach ache and regret.
The same is true of anything extra when you’re already maxed out. You cannot give your best to anything when you’re giving yourself to everything.
The girl’s trip is going to get you and your stress. The date is going to get you and your distraction. The volunteering is going to get you and your anxiety. The friend is going to get you and your regret.
In the sermon on the mount, Jesus says, “let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’” when He is talking about making oaths. With this, He is saying that our yes and no should be enough of a guarantee, without swearing or promising, because we are known to uphold our obligations.
I don’t know about you, but if I invite a friend to coffee and she is distracted the entire time, neither of us ends up enjoying it. I’m irritated that she isn’t present and she’s stressed out about all the other things she should be doing instead of sitting with me. I would rather her have said no than say yes and not bring her best. Honestly, I’m going to hesitate to invite her the next time because I can’t trust that she will say no if she needs to.
So let me ask you, are you watering down your yes because you won’t say no?
PRAY
Next, pray.
Ask God for clarity so you can get your head above the water and gain perspective.
It’s like when you’re in a traffic jam and you don’t know what’s happened or how to navigate out of the mess. Are you just going to sit there, not moving for who knows how long? Probably not, because you have this amazing thing called GPS that can tell you which turn to take so you can get out of the traffic and keep moving toward your destination.
In the same way, we have access to a GPS for our life – God’s plan. The Bible is clear that God has a plan for our lives. If you need a reminder, look at Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, or Psalm 37:23.
If God has a plan already laid out for our lives, shouldn’t we ask Him about it? Instead of sitting in the mess, why don’t we ask our Creator to help us navigate a way out? After all, He knows exactly what the plan is, and believe it or not, He isn’t trying to hide it from you. He probably won’t tell you the whole thing right away, but He will guide you in His perfect timing.
So ask. Pray. Invite Him to help you get out of the mess. Hand Him a shovel! Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
God isn’t afraid to get dirty. He’s in the mess with you already and if you’ll let Him help, I promise He will.
PLAN
After you pray, it’s time to start planning. Get out a journal and pen for this, because seeing things written out will be far more effective than trying to sort through it all in your head.
Start by writing out all the things you have going on right now. Church, school, relationships, work, volunteering, side hustles, events. Big or small, doesn’t matter, just get everything on paper.
Then, circle the essentials (or do a star or highlight or any other creative thing you like). Do you need to be working to pay your bills? Circle work. If you’re planning to be a doctor, engineer, or something else that requires a degree to do, go ahead and circle school too.
The key is to be critical here. Otherwise, you will have 20 things circled and only cross off laundry, which, unfortunately, also must be circled. I’m just as disappointed with that one as you are.
Ask a friend or mentor to talk it through with you. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” We need people to look in on our lives from the outside and give us advice, even when it isn’t what we want to hear.
Maybe you don’t need to be volunteering on Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday. Maybe you can say no to making the cake for your friend’s coworker’s daughter’s wedding that isn’t for 6 months. Maybe it’s time to walk away from a relationship you know isn’t going to lead to marriage. Maybe you need to quit the internship, even though you love it and want to continue, like I did back in my crazy season of college.
Is it going to be hard? Definitely. But hard is possible, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, defeated completely, overpowered, buried or drown beneath a huge mass, then hard is also absolutely necessary.
TAKE ACTION
Finally, it’s time to take action.
2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
It’s time to have the hard conversations and cut back on the things you can’t and shouldn’t be doing right now. You have the spirit of God to give you power and love for the hard conversations, and you have the self-discipline to follow through.
A plan without action is worthless. Friend, I’m preaching this to myself, too. I love making plans and lists until my fingers are sore, but nothing will ever change if we don’t put those plans into action. We have to start cutting back and making space to breathe again.
Remember that giving your best to a few things is better than giving yourself to everything. Some people may be disappointed or even upset that you’re quitting or canceling things, but they aren’t living your life and experiencing the consequences of trying to do everything. You are, so you have to do this.
It’s time to get a hold of our lives, take account of how we are spending our time, and make it matter. The reality is, life is not going to stop throwing things your way. If you’re just scooping water out of a leaking boat instead of patching the holes, you are going to sink.
Instead of chasing life around and feeling overwhelmed by the chaos we’re in, let’s choose to do the hard work of getting things back under control. Get to shore and fix your boat. Stop saying yes, pray for clarity, make a plan, and take action.
You weren’t meant to live your life overwhelmed by it.
Xoxo,
Lindsay
Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!
- How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture
