As Christians, we are called to be generous, compassionate, and selfless. Because this is a call for all believers, sacrificing doesn’t just start when you sign the marriage license. It is something that must be cultivated in your life way before that day because marriage requires greater daily sacrifice than most things. If you have not developed selflessness or sacrificial love in yourself or you don’t see it in the person you’re dating, it won’t suddenly be evident when you get married.
Now, I’m not saying you should sacrifice your dreams of going to college and becoming a lawyer because your boyfriend is in a garage band and needs you to pay his bills. The sacrificing I’m talking about before marriage is this: go serve at church, pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru, help your elderly neighbor clean her house, invite people over for dinner, and be generous with what you have with no expectations of receiving anything in return.
Marriage is a huge blessing and at the same time, it is incredibly hard because of this call to sacrifice. I love my husband and always want what’s best for him, but that often means I have to sacrifice and, honestly, I’m selfish. Sometimes we both get what we want and it’s great when that happens, but oftentimes, one of us pursuing our dreams, goals, or desires means the other has to sacrifice.
I think about how we tithe at church and how it feels like a sacrifice to give money that I could tell you exactly what we’d use it for if we still had it. But, we give because we know that everything we have came from God’s hand to begin with, so we can joyfully give back to Him what He has given to us.
This is the heart that we should sacrifice with, too. In a marriage, we are mutually giving and receiving from each other with joyful hearts, not keeping score, and knowing our family and marriage are worth more than our comfort.
Someday, your marriage and family will come before your own dreams and goals. Sometimes it means that things go to the back burner. Sometimes, they get taken to the curb on trash day. Honestly, it’s hard, but if you begin to cultivate it in your own life now, it will be more natural down the line and in your marriage.
Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Sacrificing starts with humility. The best way I’ve heard humility described is that it is not thinking more of yourself and being boastful, but it also isn’t thinking less of yourself and being self-deprecating. It is simply thinking about yourself less.
I’ve found that sacrificing is so much easier when I don’t think about myself. If I start thinking about myself, what I’ve given up, how I wanted one thing but compromised for another, or how my comfort has been denied, I will start to develop bitterness in the sacrifice. This leads to resentment and keeping score or making sure I get even, which is not sacrificial at all.
It’s like if someone were to take you out to dinner and pay for the meal, then turn around and make you feel bad for the cost. The kind gesture now feels like it needs to be repaid. The heart behind the sacrifice matters.
So how do you sacrifice with a joyful, generous heart? Stop thinking about yourself and think about them.
When I look outward to what others receive or how they benefit from my sacrifice – seeing my son light up eating the meal I just made for myself or my husband getting a full night of rest after a long day at work because I got up with the baby– those things make sacrificing a joy rather than a burden. When we are looking at what we get out of the sacrifice, we’ll always be disappointed, because that’s not the point. The purpose of being sacrificial is so that someone else is blessed by what you’ve given up.
In marriage, it is an ever-present ebb and flow of giving and receiving with your husband. It is not always equal and it’s not always easy, but it is essential to make a marriage work. Learn to cultivate a generous, selfless, humble spirit now and your future marriage will absolutely benefit from it.
If you haven’t already, check out Part One and Part Two of the Dating with Marriage in Mind series!
Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!
- How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture
