How To Have Clarity In Your Identity

Happy New Year!!!

As we kick off the new year, many of us set resolutions or goals, or maybe choose that one word that is going to be your anthem for the year. This year, I’m choosing to do something a little different. 

Identity has been something I’ve been passionate about for years now. Answering the question, “Who am I?” has been pertinent to my life and my relationship with Jesus and I think so many of us lack clarity in the answer to that question.

If I were to ask you today to tell me who you are, would you have an answer? Would you list things like a student, mom, wife, nurse, travel guru, your enneagram number, or maybe your Myers-Briggs? 

These are often the ways we identify ourselves, but as our situation or season changes, we can often find ourselves unsure of who we are in that new stage of life. That question: Who am I? It can come through again and again with each transition, and force the realization that we don’t know. 

Who am I, not as a wife or as a friend or as a Christian or as a mom or as a student or as an athlete, but simply me? When all the titles and cultural and societal pressures are stripped away and it’s just me. 

We often focus so much on where we are going and what comes next that we feel like we’ve lost ourselves when we get there. We get to the next level at work or become a wife or mom and realize that we don’t know who we are anymore. When we focus too much on where we are going, we often lose sight of who we are and who we’re becoming in that process. 

As I’ve thought about that question, “Who am I?”, I’ve often looked to the past. I looked back trying to find who I was before that thing happened in my family or those people judged me or before that event happened that changed the way I view the world. But what I’ve learned is that this is not the right way of looking to answer that question.   

Paul says in Philippians 3:13 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”

That is such a great depiction of how we should look at our identity. It’s not a question of who was I before that thing happened, but of who do I want to become as I look forward. The girl we were in the past is not who we are anymore. We are moving forward. We are learning and growing and becoming the person we were meant to be. And that forward focus is where we will find the clarity to answer the question, who am I?

A few months back, I was sorting through a tote of books when I came across an old journal and as I was flipping through, I found a page from years ago I had forgotten that I wrote. The heading read, “The girl I want to become”

Here’s what I wrote:

The girl I want to become:

• She is confident in who she is – unconcerned with the judgment of others but sure of who God created her to be.
• She chooses to see the good and opportunities in every situation. She is not naive to the bad things, but she refuses to give them power because God has already overcome them. 
• She spends time with God every single day. She adores Him, knows Him, and continually pursues Him more. 
• She says, “yes” to God every single time. Talk to them. Yes. Go there. Yes. Invite them. Yes. Trust me. YES.
• She is everybody’s friend. Not one person is lonely when she is there. She embraces people, invites them in, and connects consistently with them. She doesn’t forget them.
• She is honest, vulnerable, willing, and committed to helping young women because life is hard and a hand to hold can make all the difference. 
• She is a wife and mama that others can look up to. She honors and respects her husband and leads her family closer to Jesus. 

That vision of who I want to be is still so true today, years later. That is why I’m even doing this right now. 

The beauty in this concept of identity and focusing on who we are becoming is that there is so much grace in it. I can’t name a single time that I’ve succeeded in achieving whatever goal or resolution I set on January 1st. Not one. But this process of who I’m becoming is covered in grace because I know that I’m going to fail, but day by day, I’m becoming a little more like her. 

We should be growing and pursuing better, not sitting in our failures and believing the lie that because we messed up today, there’s not an opportunity tomorrow. 

As we step into 2024, let’s bring with us clarity of who we are becoming. Write out a list of that girl that you’re trying to become, knowing that you might fail, but that day by day, you’re getting a little closer and becoming a little more like her. 

This year, let’s focus on becoming more like Jesus. Becoming more compassionate and gracious, more forgiving and trustworthy. Becoming more joyful, hopeful, and truthful. Becoming wiser. Let’s focus on who we are becoming. When we have clarity of what we are pursuing, we can do it so much better.

Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!

• How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
• How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture