I used to hate being alone. There was a time when I was in college when if I went to my dorm and my roommates weren’t home, I would go back out just so that I didn’t have to be there alone. I just love being around people. I love the conversations and connections that take place. It completely energizes and excites me.
That’s why the feeling of loneliness is one that I’ve dreaded. Because I just love people.
My husband and I moved from New Mexico to Texas just two weeks before Covid sent the world into lockdown. We were so excited about the move, our new jobs, new friends, new city. It was going to be this incredible adventure. That is until we were stuck in our little 1-bedroom apartment, unable to go to church, explore the city, or find those new friends.
I felt lonely almost immediately.
For a person like me who has no desire for “alone time”, it was devastating. There were times when my husband was away for Army training when I wouldn’t hug another person for a week. Sure, I went to work and saw my coworkers, but I never felt connected with them, being behind a face mask and six feet apart.
There is the loneliness of not being around people, but also the loneliness of being unknown, and this was the first time I really felt that.
When you’re around people and they know your name, and you have casual conversations, but they don’t really know you. They don’t know who you are, how you think, what you may be feeling, or how your life has been up until this point.
The loneliness of being unknown, surrounded by people yet a stranger to them all. Personally, I found this loneliness to be the most isolating of all.
I wonder if this is how Jesus felt. People swarmed Him. Crowds and His disciples constantly wanted healing, stories, or miracles from Him, and He was compassionate and generous with them. But, in Luke 9:18-20 He asks His disciples who the people say that He is. They list John the Baptist, Elijah, and a prophet who has come back to life as answers to His question.
The crowd had no understanding of who Jesus was, despite their proximity to him. They heard Him teach and saw the signs and wonders, but they didn’t grasp who was really standing before them. I wonder if Jesus felt lonely in all of this. When He was wanted, yet unknown. The isolation of being God in the flesh where mere humans could not comprehend who He is.
Here’s what I find interesting, though. Luke 5:15-16 says, “Yet the news about Him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”
Jesus intentionally sought out “lonely places” to be with God. People surrounded Jesus, but He needed that alone time to be with His Father. So, He would get away from the crowds to pray by himself.
Isn’t it interesting that He would isolate himself physically to find connection?
God knows we need this too. Lonely places are an opportunity for us to draw closer to Him.
Whenever I’ve felt lonely, both the alone kind and unknown kind, I don’t naturally respond by getting alone with God. But doesn’t it make sense that in the midst of isolation, being with the Father who knows you better than anyone — the one who created and designed you — would take away the loneliness?
I’ve found that in times of loneliness, the opportunity to evaluate my priorities presents itself. I have always struggled to put God first in my life. I am easily distracted and often prioritize other things in my life above Him. At times it’s been school, a job, a relationship, money, or friends that have taken priority over God in my life.
If we don’t go to the lonely places by choice, God will take us there by necessity.
When I feel that void of loneliness caused by the lack of connection, it always seems to be that I filled the void that was meant to be filled with connection to God with some other, less worthy thing. I have learned that I pursue people more than I pursue God. I can easily spend 3 hours at a coffee shop with a girlfriend without even realizing the time has passed, but then struggle to spend even 15 minutes with God in the mornings. It’s when I allow friends to fill my desire for connection more than God, that my priorities fall out of order, and I begin asking people to fill a place in my life that only God is capable of.
So, maybe loneliness is God’s sweet reminder to us that connection to Him will fulfill our desires better than anything else we can put in His place. That we need time in the lonely places to be with Him and to feel truly connected and known.
This is not an invitation to isolation, but rather a call to connect with God.
Jesus didn’t isolate himself, but He knew that time alone with God was the connection He needed more than any other. We need community, but not as a replacement for communion with the Father.
The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love people.
Loneliness is an invitation to get to know God more, and when we know God more, we love God more, and when we love God more, we love people better.
So, friend, in this season of loneliness, seek connection to Jesus. He is the true vine, our source of life, and the greatest friend of all. He knows you like no one else and loves you better than anyone on earth is capable. Then, when you walk out of this season, remember to go to the lonely places often and remain connected to Him.
Xoxo,
Lindsay
Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!
- How to Read the Bible and Actually Understand It
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Five: Gratitude
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Four: Community Support
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Three: Service
- How to Practice Self-Care as a Christian | Part Two: Scripture
