Lindsay Mercado No Comments

I’m writing this letter as though you want to get married someday because that is what I know. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mama and have known that is what God meant for me to do, but I know that isn’t everyone. Some people are like the Apostle Paul who loved his singleness and wished that everyone wanted the same. Neither is better than the other because God has created us so uniquely. This is simply my experience as a girl who knew marriage was for her.

Honestly, I loved being single. I struggled for a while initially, and sure, there were moments when it sucked. Being a third wheel on anyone’s date isn’t fun. All in all, though, I loved it.

Every time I chat with a young woman who tells me she is single, I get so excited for her (not out loud, obviously, because that would be super weird). I’m excited by the opportunities and the freedom she has, the time when she gets to experience everything she can dream of.

Let me stop right there and say, marriage is awesome. I really, really love my husband, but, I really truly enjoyed being single, as well.

When I look around at culture and the silly sayings like #foreveralone, I realize how much society tells us that being single is a bad thing. I remember the pressure from middle school all the way through college to find a boyfriend, so you would have a cuddle buddy in the winter or have a date to prom. It made me feel like something was wrong with me when I didn’t. I would make excuses like, “I don’t have time for that,” or “I’m focusing on myself.”

While those are valid reasons, I don’t think anyone needs a reason to be single, because it isn’t a bad thing in the first place.

Maybe you’ve felt that pressure or felt like something is wrong with you because you haven’t found “the one.” Maybe it’s started to make you resent being single. Maybe you’re becoming bitter about it. Or maybe you’ve just settled in and figured you’ll just get through it until your husband finally comes along.

If that’s you, I see you, girl. And I’m sorry because singleness doesn’t have to be anything like that.

I want you to have the very best time being single and make the most of this season because you’re here now, so you might as well make it worth your while.

Here are seven ways to make the most of being single.

1. Change your mindset

Realize that being single is an opportunity. This is definitely easier said than done, but just like anything else that is difficult, it is worth doing. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” You are in control of your thoughts and your mindset. When you are looking for good things, you find a lot more good than when you are focused on the bad things.

So, intentionally seek the good and the opportunities you have right now. When the world is putting on pressure and making you feel less than for not being in a relationship, remind yourself that God has you right here, right now, for a reason. The Bible actually calls singleness a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7), and God doesn’t give bad gifts.

So, shake off the funk and everyone else’s expectations of your love life, thank God for the gift, and decide you’re going to use this time to the fullest.

2. Figure yourself out

This is your time for you. You can dream about the girl you’ll be 10 years from now with complete openness and see a million possibilities. You can try new things, explore hobbies and discover the version of yourself that you like best without anyone’s opinions of who you should be.

When I was single, I had some of the best experiences and got to have incredible adventures that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise had, but that ultimately changed my life. I went to China for a month by myself, I got involved in campus ministries, went on spur-of-the-moment weekend getaways, went swing dancing every Tuesday night, and got pretty good at it, too.

Honestly, I never would’ve gotten those experiences if I felt like I had to be available for someone else. So, go do something you’re unsure of; it just might change your life.

3. Learn to be comfortable by yourself

Friend, even in marriage you will spend some time alone. The first six months that Raul and I were married, he was away training with the military and it was like I was single all over again. We couldn’t communicate except for hand-written letters for months and I was by myself a lot. Had I not been comfortable and content being single, it would’ve been tragic to have him gone for that long.

You don’t yet know what your marriage will look like. Your husband may work long hours or travel a lot, or he may be home all the time. Either way, it is important to be okay with being just you. The man who becomes your husband will be so thankful that you are comfortable with who you are when you meet him, and not constantly searching for him to complete you.

4. Make God your number one now

When you’re married, it’s really easy to put your husband before God. I struggled with this a whole lot, because I didn’t pursue and rely on God first when I was single. When things happened, I would go to my sister or my friends or a mentor, then when I started dating Raul, I went to him first. Even now, three years in, I have to be really intentional about seeking God first, relying on Him in difficulty, and making sure He is my priority.  

God requires priority over everything else in our lives, because we were created by Him and for His purpose (Colossians 1:16). This may sound demanding, but it’s so much better this way. When our priorities are in the right order, everything else works out.

Train yourself to put God first while you’re single, and it’ll be so much easier when you’re married.

5. Speak life over your future

It breaks my heart to hear girls say, “I’m just going to be single forever,” or “I’ll just die alone.” Even the Christian cop out of, “I guess God just made me to be single.” If you really truly believe in your heart that God has meant you to be single all your life, then that is not a bad thing at all. That is the “gift of singleness,” that Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 7:7. But if you’re just saying that because you’ve become bitter about being single, you need to change your words.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” We should be speaking life into our marriage even before it begins. If you are desperate for a relationship or really want to get married someday, saying things like, “I’m just going to be single forever,” is speaking death over the very thing you want so badly. It is a defense mechanism to push aside those feelings of wanting a relationship, but it is also poison to that relationship. Speak life and truth over your marriage before it has even begun.

6. Pray for your husband

God cares about what you care about. Even if it seems so small and minute, it is still important to God. So, pray for the details of your husband’s life. Pray for his character, that he would be a man of integrity and honor. Pray for his family, that they would be loving and would open their hearts to you. Pray that he has the appearance you love. I prayed all the time that I would marry someone really tall because I absolutely love wearing high heels, and yes, God gave me even that. Most of all, pray that his heart is burning for Jesus and that your marriage would be a light for other people.

I used to journal my prayers because I didn’t feel like I could talk to God any other way without getting totally distracted. A while back, I was looking through my old prayer journal and found the day in the journal that I had met Raul. That very day I was praying for my future husband, “wherever he may be,” without a clue that I was about to meet him. God is in those details, orchestrating something before we can even see it. Start praying about every little thing.

7. Develop your trust in God

If you are struggling to be content with being single, maybe you’re really struggling to trust God. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” God knows how badly you want to be a wife. He knows your desire to meet your husband. So, trust in Him, delight in Him, and He will provide the right person at the right time, and it will be wonderful.

When I became content in my singleness and fostered that season well, I met my husband. I wasn’t sure about starting a relationship with him because I was finally enjoying the season I was in, and all it had to offer. But as soon as I started getting to know Raul, I completely fell in love with him.

While we were single, I became someone who was prepared to be a wife, and he was ready to be a husband. Had we met any sooner, neither one of us would’ve been who the other person needed. We were still immature, way too selfish, and hadn’t experienced life enough on our own until that point. We needed that time to prepare for marriage because it is no cakewalk.

Sweet friend, God has not brought your husband yet for a reason, and there is nothing wrong with that, and there’s nothing you can do to rush it, either. Trust His timing and know that He is working things out to make it so incredibly wonderful.

I am praying that you would take this time of singleness to know the Lord better and to learn to prioritize Him above everything else. That you would discover new and exciting things about yourself that you wouldn’t otherwise know, and that you trust God to give you your heart’s desires, but only if it is in His perfect timing.

Xoxo,
Lindsay

Looking for more? Check out the latest blog posts below!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *